Big Love- Bruery Edition

Hey Guys, it’s Rachel here. I just realized my last post was about 4 months ago. I decided to write to dispel the rumor that Pat tried to sell me on the streets to get more capital. However, it was definitely talked about.

I am writing to announce that Patrick and I have become polygamists- our second wife being The Bruery. She has recently tried aggressively to take over my position as first wife- demanding more and more of my husband’s time and energy. First she was constantly complaining that she didn’t get a ring, so Patrick insisted on buying her all this stainless brewing equipment to appease her, which is WAY more than any diamond. Then she was upset that we didn’t take her on the honeymoon to GABF this fall, even though we wore her name on our t-shirts. Things escalated more and more, and her demands for a makeover were unrelenting. Pat finally gave in and agreed to give her a whole new look from the ground up, complete with a full staff. Man- he gets mad at me for getting my hair cut!!!

He has spent the last week at around 12 hours a day in her company. Even our dates on the weekend involve checking in on her. He has informed me that it will most likely remain that way for the rest of the month, and probably more so when he can actually start using her. My special qualities are overshadowed by her shininess- literally. I brought him lunch when he was with HER yesterday and I swear she just glared at me and showed off her new colors. And do you even know how many times Patrick has asked me “Why can’t you be more like The Bruery?” As I see it, the only advantage is that since she is younger, she can be the one to have the babies- i don’t think it would be so bad to push a child out of a mash tun. Bad picture there- sorry.

Our bruery dog Barley would like to be the 3rd wife, which is a possibility now that his two mounds of manliness have been removed. However, he refuses to sign the prenuptial agreement so things are at a stand still.

There is a lesson to this story- if you are going to consider polygamy, especially if it is with a brewery, make sure the wives will get along. Luckily I am in love with The Bruery, and fully support all that my husband does for her. Although if you ask me that again on x-mas morning- after the presents are opened and I have seen what she gets, you may get a different response.

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